12 things you should not do when texting

To have good texting skills on social media and messaging/dating apps is absolutely essential for a successful flirting process and initial (virtual) connection (aka rapport). Everything began with the good old SMS messages and then it evolved with the rise of social media and more evolved messaging apps like iMessage/Whatsapp/Telegram/etc.

Let’s take a look at some of the things you should NOT DO: 

1 Always be the first to start messaging

This is a very common habit for most guys. They’ll take every chance they get to message the woman thinking that in that way they’re creating rapport and picking up her interest. Wrong. All this does is transmit to a woman that the guy is too available and investing too much too soon. This makes a man loose value in her eyes, therefore also make her loose attraction instead of gaining it. 

The rule of thumb here is to message her about the same number of times she messages you at most. If she stops replying, you should wait instead. Less is always better. 

2 Sending a predictable/boring message

Avoid at all costs to send random messages like: “Hi”, “How are you?”, “What’s up?”, “How’s your day going?”, etc… This kind of message won’t catch her attention and make her feel bored and sometimes just totally ignoring you.

3 Sending messages that don’t have a positive outlook

Avoid sending messages with a negative take like: “I’m having a really bad day here”, “The traffic today is crazy”, “You know who just died?”, etc… This kind of message will make her associate you to bad news, negative energy and vibes.

4 Don’t be clear in the message or use subtle humor

Don’t send messages that aren’t very clear in the intent, like innuendo, sarcasm or self-deprecating humor, especially in the beginning when she still doesn’t know you very well.

5 Sending ‘Closed’ messages

Avoid sending messages that aren’t easy to reply to (for instance affirmations), unless they’re adding value to the conversation and/or making her feel curious like sending a photo of something that might be of her interest.

6 Messages with too many Emojis & LOL’s

Despite the fact that using emojis when correctly and contextualized can be a powerful texting aid, using them without a particular reason and/or just too many of them, make you look immature and feminine. Use them wisely. One/two per message at most.   

7 Too long/ Too many messages (the mirror rule) 

Don’t send messages that are too long and/or complex, especially at the beginning of the interaction. It shows too much investment and neediness, which are very unattractive for the woman. Ideally you should follow the “mirror rule” which consists in replicating the length and number of messages received. It also applies to the time you should wait to reply. For instance, if she takes 1h to reply, you take 1h to reply too.  

8 Texting too early or late in the day

You should avoid sending messages either too early in the day or very late in the evening as this shows two things: that you’re over investing in her already and that you’ve got too much free time on your hands – both are red flags for her. Generally, you should avoid texting between 1am and 11am. Ideally text and lunch time break hours or after study/work time. 

9 Being too fast or taking too much time to reply

Either one of these situations is not ideal, too fast to reply shows that you’re paying too much attention to her (therefore making your value decrease in her eyes), or on the opposite side taking too long to reply makes her feel neglected and rejected by you. Try to be reasonable and use when possible the mirror rule as explained before (7). 

10 Sending memes 

Memes can be a great fun tool sometimes, because they tend to trigger emotional reactions from women, as such they can be effective if correctly used but re risky at the same time. So use them occasionally and wisely if at all.

11 Sending dick pics 

Sending the so-called dick pics is extremely risky and hardly ever results in anything good. Just do it if the woman asks for it. Oh and be careful to protect your identity at the same time – one never knows.

12 Letting her finish the conversation

Avoid being in the situation where she decides to call it a day and finish the conversation. This is a very common mistake as most guys believe that as long as they’re texting it means that her interest is also increasing. Try to finish yourself the conversation while it’s at a good (emotional) moment. This will leave her thinking about you and increasing the chance for her to text you back first. 

Alex – August 2021

6 Golden Rules of Online Dating

1. Women are inundated with attention. You have to stand out – you can’t afford to be just “one more guy” in her inbox. Even average girls have hundreds of matches and lots of attention from men. But, most men suck at online dating. They have terrible pictures, terrible bios, terrible texting skills, or a combination of all three. It’s important to stand out from the crowd to get a girl to message you back, and more importantly, to agree to meet you (get a date).

2. If you have bad pictures, you will get minimal results – online dating is primarily about pictures, bear that in mind. This might be alarming if you think you have an average or below average appearance. But even if you’re not super attractive, you can maximize your appearance by taking optimal photos and even get better results than an attractive guy using bad photos. This is key. 

3. If your texting skills are not great, you will not get consistent results– online dating is primarily about pictures. Then it’s all about good texting. You’ve got to be very effective in the way you text a woman, in order first to get her attention, then her curiosity and finally her attraction. This is also key.  

4. Avoid the “creepy” or “weirdo” boxes at all costs – If a woman puts you into the “creepy” box or the “weirdo” box, she’ll never meet up with you. Period. Make sure your pictures, bio, and messaging don’t come off this way. Playing safe is better here. Leave the weirdness for later. 

5. Always close optimally – learn the difference between soft and hard closing.

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is immediately hard closing when the girl seems receptive to the idea of a date. “So let’s get together at X Bar on Friday at 7 PM ok?” The girl never responds after this and the guy wonders why. Learning to always soft close before the hard close will reduce the risk of this happening, as you’ll be sure she’s really interested in you, before proposing a date.

6. Keep going! Online dating is a number’s game, so you should always keep that in mind and don’t feel frustrated and loose motivation if you get rejected, ignored or ghosted even. As time goes by, you’ll learn by experience to get better and results will appear. As a wiseman once said: “without prior preparation, failure is certain to happen:”

Alex – November 2021